Women can be hard to understand, and when they’re angry, you can expect anything. However, that doesn’t excuse behavior like constant yelling.
While it is unpleasant for your wife to yell at you, it’s also disrespectful. But, sometimes it may be due to factors out of her control.
Stress, physical changes, misunderstandings, and lack of purpose are some of the reasons why your wife might be yelling at you.
Whether your wife is to blame or not, you should make an effort to stop the yelling if you want to save your marriage.
Here are 10 things you can do to stop your wife from yelling at you.
Also Read: Best Life-changing Life Hacks
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Listening is often called the most powerful tool in relationships. It’s easier to build a strong, lasting relationship when you and your wife share feelings, thoughts, and also acknowledge each other’s needs.
Your wife may yell at you if you often misunderstand her. This is a problem many couples face. Rather than nag or argue with her, you should try to listen to understand her. She might be wrong or she might be right, but you’ll never know if you don’t listen.
Effective communication demands attentive listening. It involves hearing what your wife is saying, both audibly and through body language. It also involves considering what she’s saying, acknowledging the message, and attempting to understand her perspective.
If your wife feels that she’s being heard and understood, she’ll be more intimate with you and willing to share more. This subsequently leads to a better relationship and one that’s void of yelling.
There are different ways to improve your listening skills. To start with, you must pay attention, avoid interrupting, and encourage your wife to continue. You should focus on her message, make eye contact, and occasionally nod to indicate you are listening.
Try to avoid distractions—like your phone, for example—when communicating with your wife. It shows disrespect and that you don’t have time for her.
Even if what she’s saying is wrong or you don’t like it, try not to pass judgment immediately. You can think about it afterward and try to communicate with her in a compassionate manner rather than argue.
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If your wife is yelling at you because you did something to offend her, you should know. If you don’t know what you did, she’ll surely mention it, in between her yelling.
In such a scenario, you should acknowledge you’re wrong, apologize, and be sincere that it won’t happen again.
To some people, an apology can feel like an admission of inadequacy. In other words, you may feel that there’s something wrong with you rather than that you made a mistake.
Others feel that apologizing first after an argument admits blame and responsibility for the entire issue, allowing the other party to avoid taking responsibility for their own role.
However, these are all untrue. On the contrary, in the right circumstances, a well-rendered, heartfelt apology can help resolve conflicts, reinforce shared values, and restore positive feelings. You just have to do it right.
Remember that an apology might be as simple as “I’m sorry.” You don’t always have to include the wrongdoing. What matters is that you’re sincere because not apologizing at all is better than an insincere apology.
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Your wife can tell if you really mean it. Therefore, don’t just apologize to appear nice or just so she stops yelling at the moment.
After apologizing, sit back, and allow her to decide. As difficult as it may be to properly apologize, no one owes you forgiveness. Your wife may choose to forgive you or not.
Therefore, don’t impose an apology on someone. If your wife loves you, she’ll forgive you and the yelling will become history.
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It shouldn’t be a surprise if you do things that make your wife angry – like hiss, sigh, or throw stuff – before talking to her and she yells afterward. No matter how angry you are, learn to tame your temper.
You can easily say or do something you’ll later regret in the heat of the moment. Therefore, it’s ideal that you take a few moments to gather your thoughts before talking to her. Take a timeout.
Allow yourself to take brief pauses throughout stressful times of the day. A few seconds of silence may help you feel more equipped to deal with whatever comes your way without easily becoming upset. Additionally, when your wife is at fault, you should try to forgive her.
When your wife offends you and still yells, refusing to admit her mistake, it can be difficult to not get angry when addressing her.
However, in such situations, forgiveness is an extremely effective strategy. Think about the happy times you’ve shared and forgive her, even if only within yourself.
Forgiving your wife, who has offended you, might help you learn from the experience while also strengthening your relationship.
Another way to avoid getting angry before talking to her is by relaxing to relieve tension. Also, you might try throwing in a joke or two.
Humor can help you deal with whatever is making you upset, as well as any unreasonable expectations you may have about how things should happen.
However, you should avoid sarcasm as it might hurt your wife’s feelings and make things worse.
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Your wife will have no reason to yell at you if you are affectionate with her, making her know she’s beautiful and the only woman you want.
Women require affection from their husbands. They want gentleness, warmth, dedication, endearment, and care.
The good thing is that there are various ways to convey affection. However, the most common is physical, non-sexual affection, which might include hugs, kisses, handholding, and a gentle touch.
Other methods include a soft voice and endearing remarks. Gifts and favors can also communicate affection. Generally, what’s most important is that your affection towards your wife is personal and heartfelt.
For physical touch, you’ll need to first understand your partner’s demands. Your wife may not like your non-sexual touches for some reason—your timing may be off, for example.
Note that women don’t like it when men touch them simply because they desire sex or are emotionally needy.
That you feel like touching your wife at a particular time doesn’t mean she does too. It shouldn’t be too much to ask before touching her or waiting until she’s relaxed before approaching.
Showering her with words of affection will likely be easier. You can express gratitude and affection for her actions with words like “You cook great!” “You’re a fashion killer.” “You’re very organized.” You shouldn’t just be saying them, you should mean them.
With words of adoration, you can make things even more intense by praising her for who she is. You can say things like, “You’re gorgeous.” “Your eyes are charming.” “You’re very intelligent.” “You walk like a queen.”
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Every marriage needs forgiveness to thrive. We all make mistakes, and bad days are inevitable. Almost everyone says things they don’t mean, and everyone deserves forgiveness.
As mentioned earlier, forgiveness can help you manage your anger. Yes! Your wife will offend you, and sometimes it might be about very little things. When you fail to forgive and let go of these little things, it becomes a problem.
It’s easier if your wife is sorry and trying to make amends. On the contrary, it will be hard when she’s not remorseful and is yelling instead. Even then, forgiving may be worthwhile.
In marriages and relationships, you may have conflicts, but that doesn’t mean you no longer love each other. Allowing your partner to be right, by forging her even when she’s wrong, is a grand act of love.
Before you forgive, it’s important to discuss and hear her own side of the story. You may have missed something. Notably, don’t corner your spouse and start talking without warning. You’ll appear hostile.
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Instead, schedule a discussion at a time that works for both of you. Each of you can think about it beforehand, which will lead to a more fruitful discussion than if you simply criticize her as the offender.
Furthermore, appreciate what you have. When our feelings are correct, they can blind us to the bigger picture. Is the thing you’re arguing about or unwilling to forgive worth more than your marriage?
In addition, understand that you may never know why your wife did something wrong. But, forgiving and forgetting do not excuse hurtful behavior. It simply puts you at peace with your wife.
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Your wife may not be comfortable with your behavior, appearance, and overall personality. Especially if she puts in a lot of effort herself to be and appear good for you. Taking care of yourself and changing your behavior can fix things.
When you take good care of yourself, you’ll be doing so not just to stop your wife from yelling, but also for your own health.
We can’t take care of our families, friends, careers, hobbies, passions, or interests if we don’t take care of ourselves. We can’t contribute to anyone else if we don’t contribute to ourselves.
Self-care is the gas that fuels us. Without it, we’ll run on fumes for a while, then stall or crash and burn—like cars.
Taking care of your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness will result in a happy, healthy, productive life and, ultimately, a better relationship with your wife.
This isn’t necessarily difficult. There are very simple things you can do to improve your overall personality. You can start by adding nutrient-dense foods to your diet. Eating healthier foods will boost energy, well-being, and mood.
Next, spend time in nature. Being in nature can positively affect your brain and increase cognitive function, which in turn improves your mood.
Third, perform exercises and try to avoid a sedentary lifestyle. You can work out for just 30 minutes a day; it goes a long way over time.
Don’t always be on your phone. Too much screen usage causes eye strain, diminished empathy, and other physical and emotional problems.
Not to mention, always being on your phone around your wife can make her feel unimportant.
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Remember Newton’s third law of motion. This law doesn’t apply to science alone but also in everyday life.
If you yell at your wife, her defense mechanism could be yelling back at you. Maybe you used to yell at her before, but not anymore. The problem is that you may have cultivated the habit in her over time, so much that she has become better than you at yelling.
Yelling is unhealthy as verbal aggression can easily turn into physical aggression. You may have a reason for yelling, but it’s never justified.
To stop your wife from yelling, first of all, remember who you’re talking to; it’s easy to forget this when in an argument. You should remember that it’s your wife who has no intention of harming you.
Whenever there’s a misunderstanding, talk to your wife rather than argue and yell. Talking with your wife can solve anything, thereby helping you to clarify your differences and your concerns.
When you’re angry, try to be self-aware. Speak in low tones, lower than how you would normally speak. If you have the urge to yell, pause and reflect.
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You can divert yourself from yelling by relaxing and breathing in and out. Better yet, leave the environment, clear your mind, and return.
If you yelled unjustly, you should apologize. Acknowledge that you’re having trouble controlling your emotions and that yelling wasn’t your intent.
Most importantly, you shouldn’t yell and apologize without change. If you regret yelling, you won’t do it again, and you shouldn’t do it again. In turn, your wife will also learn to repent after yelling.
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Housework can affect your marriage. It sounds unlikely, but it’s true. Research shows that sharing household chores is among the top three issues affecting modern marriages, only bettered by faithfulness and sexual relationships.
It’s almost common for men to leave all household chores to women. When you or your wife are unhappy about chore allocation, stress levels rise. Consequently, when stress levels rise, it’s easy to shout and yell.
You should learn to help your wife out at home. Don’t wait until she asks before you assist. That could upset her more because you’ll make it seem like she’s solely responsible for the chores.
The reverse is the case, as household chores are shared duties, and splitting chores well is crucial to a happy marriage.
First of all, find out each other’s thoughts about different chores—dusting, cleaning the toilet, making the bed, clearing the yard, and others.
For example, you may want the toilet cleaned twice a week while she’ll prefer three times. The discussion will help you reach an agreement.
Furthermore, what one despises, another may like. If you both hate the same chore, find a compromise, or you could do it as a team.
Try to keep up with your part of the house chores, and if your wife is falling short, don’t criticize her outright. Try to figure out why, and if possible, reassess your plan.
Ultimately, if you and your wife don’t have the time, you can hire someone. However, this is another decision you should make together.
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It’s tough for you as a couple to come up with answers on your own, especially when you’ve lost your perspective. However, if you can’t resolve issues between yourself, you must talk to someone.
If your wife yells at you and you’re not getting along, don’t report her to her family or friends. Also, don’t talk bad about her to your family and friends. If you want to talk to anyone, opt for marital counseling.
Marriage counseling can improve overall marital satisfaction, reduce or eliminate ineffective arguments, and improve conflict resolution, to name a few.
In the long run, it will improve trust and confidence in your marriage and increase intimacy. All these are contributing factors to making shouting and yelling a thing of the past.
Both you and your wife must agree on the aims of counseling to ensure that both are met. Understand what you’re trying to eliminate—yelling in this situation—and collectively work towards it.
At counseling, you share your problems from the viewpoints of you and your wife, and the marriage counselor examines them. They then develop goals based on their findings.
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You’ll likely be given homework, which will be reviewed at subsequent counseling sessions. The good thing is that you’ll not only be working on the yelling problem but also any other issues you and your wife may be having.
Typical marital counseling usually demands dual participation. However, if your wife isn’t open to it, you can do couples counseling alone to strengthen your relationship.
If you and your wife undergo couples counseling, you may still require separate sessions to deal with certain issues.
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There could be certain triggers that make your wife yell. Maybe a place, a thing, a memory, a person, etc. If you can identify the triggers, you can stop your wife from yelling by removing them.
For example, if there’s something at home triggering the yelling, you can take your wife on vacation or weekend getaway somewhere else. If she often yells at night, you can try taking her out for dinner.
The most important thing is that you spend your time away together. There are some special things you can do. You can re-experience your first date, for example.
Walking down memory lane releases many memories and unsaid emotions. You’ll have several things to laugh about and share amazing experiences.
Furthermore, you can pick up a joint hobby. When you do anything together, it improves your connection and shows you can work together.
Therefore, learn something new together, sign up for a class you both like, and watch your love grow.
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If your wife is wrong about her yelling, you must correct her, and it’s ideal to do that without hurting her feelings.
Nevertheless, you can easily correct your wife without hassles.
Here’s how to go about it:
- Talk to her in low tones. Don’t shout or yell.
- Talk to her with love and not with criticism or judgment. Not even constructive criticism is welcomed. Instead of focusing on her mistakes, propose better solutions.
- Gratify her good actions regularly. It’s improper to correct what is wrong if you don’t praise what is right.
- Avoid correcting your wife in front of your children. Constantly correcting your wife will make your kids disrespect her.
- Avoid correcting her in public. It’s ungentlemanly and lowers her self-esteem.
- Avoid comparing her actions with those of other women or using other women as examples of how she should behave. No woman likes it.
- Don’t bring up old issues when correcting her. Stick to the current issue, resolve it, and move forward.
- Lead by example. If you don’t want your wife to do what you’re correcting her for, don’t do it yourself.
Marriage should be blissful, although not void of misunderstanding and conflicts. Your wife yelling at you is a problem you can resolve and 10 ways to deal with it are discussed above.
While you practice the resolutions above, try to be patient with your wife. Change won’t happen overnight, but with consistency, it will surely come.
Enjoy your marital relationship.